There is a lot of stigma around being single in your thirties and as much as society tries to push that it believes 30 is the new 20, there is so much backlash against unwed and childless thirty-somethings. “Don’t you want to have kids one day? Better do it soon!” I never get sick of hearing this one, because I in fact do, when the time is right for me if ever at all. Personally I think that it is selfish to pull a child into this world out of fear of lost time or forced goals and aspirations to please family members or society in general, without considering the timing, commitment and full on liability that a human holds. Hell, I think it’s irresponsible to adopt a dog when you don’t have the means or time to properly nurture it. Now before you start barking at the screen let me make it clear that I am also for the random unexpected bundles that embellish the lives of nervous and excited parents, not everything has to be timed, prepared for and perfect, it won’t be, I am one of five surprises.
There are many reasons young people do not have children. Some have trouble conceiving, losing children they do conceive and dealing with the heartache that follows. I dealt with the effects of this first hand watching someone I love experience it twice, it is heart breaking and frustratingly unfair. They say it is a miracle when a birth goes smoothly, there is such a large gap for error. Some people are not in committed relationships and aren’t ready to take on that undertaking alone. Some people just plain don’t want kids and there is nothing wrong with that. I have many friends with children that I love dearly and I don’t value their lives higher than mine because they’ve started procreating. They are essentially just doing what people have done since man walked erect and it’s nothing new, impressive from the aspect of science, but nothing new.
Recently I was having a conversation how things from my past have affected my present life and a sentence was said that stirred up this article. “Why can’t you stay in a relationship then?” This bothered me for a few reasons. Let’s start off by what it is saying in the first place, that I cannot stay in a relationship. I’ve had several relationships in my life, the longest being 4 years, next 2 and several over a year and a half. Based on the people I know in my city alone, I’m leaps and bounds above the rest. Secondary to that thought was the assumption that I wasn’t acknowledging that my past had effected my future, everyone’s past will in some way influence their future. The third thing that irked me was simply the other hand of this statement, why do I need to be in a relationship?
Am I worth any less as a human by being single and thirty years young? Does it gravely affect the economy? What detrimental reactions can it cause or what am I actually missing out on? The fact is there is nothing of substance there, the only thing that matters and that should matter is if I am happy and healthy. I enjoy the company of others and can do so on my own agenda, I am not locked into any time boundaries or specific locals, I have to freedom to come and go as I please, keep my home as I want, properly assess my finances with certainty of what they are, my taxes are easier to do, I can have the bed to myself whenever I choose, the list goes on and on. The fact is that being single at my age is actually a wonderful thing, keeping my options totally open to choose whatever path i’d like. The single life can be a lonely one, at times, but with hobbies and activities that void is filled for me. At anytime I choose, I can enter a relationship, open myself up to making something casual a bit more serious, the reality is that I’m more in control of my life and all of it’s inner workings than I ever had been trapped in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having standards and figuring out what it is that you don’t like. Knowing what you don’t like is more beneficial in your life than knowing what it is that you do.
I’ve been in and out of relationships for years, but that’s what dating is. Some of those relationships were awful, some were good and full, but didn’t have the equality and genuine quality I required, I became sick of doing most of the work. That’s what relationships require, constant work. It’s foolish to think they just fall into place, the difference is when you find a fit that works, it doesn’t feel like work and that’s the ultimate goal. Leaving my last relationship was very difficult for me. To everyone else it looked perfect and to all intents and purposes, it was, but I was unhappy and exhausted from pulling the weight. We had the house, the pets, the dinner schedule, the small dates, after work hugs, attempted to join our hobbies, but it wasn’t right. Leaving was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because it was not something he wanted. It was foreign to him and he didn’t understand my choice. With absolutely no offense to this wonderful, caring human, it was the best decision I’ve ever made. It lead me into the next stage of my life and taught me so much about myself. It tested my strength and my will to stay true to myself.
My motorcycle has become my lover for sure, she has proven just as finicky and stubborn as the others, but she takes me to a place that no one else does. I take care of her so we can grow and travel together and enjoy our time together. When the situation is right and I find what it is I’m looking for, maybe I will start a family or own land, commit to some sort of civil union, who knows, but as for now I’m happy, healthy and enjoying every minute of the journey.
Death With Benefits 